Answering Questions About Chad


– Today’s update I’ve been
really excited to go over. – [Chad] I know that it’s definitely gonna be worth it. I’m gonna really be
grateful for this place. – I’ve probably listened to
that like a hundred times. (upbeat music) Hi guys. I have been looking forward
to doing this video. There’s a lot of update videos
that I need to do for you. One’s a house tour, they’re
painting my door on Tuesday. The house is slowly coming together. Another update is, listen
to this, listen, listen. Nobody’s in my house except the adults. Which is very strange. Kevin starts teaching
college courses next week so there’s a one week
extra summer that he has before he goes back to work. – I gotta do all my errands, like today. So you’re gonna take the truck and go get the bed lined? – Yep. – And today’s update I’ve
been really excited to go over ’cause I know a lot of you have questions and a lot of you love Chad
and want to know about him and I want to share with
you what I’ve learned and how this experience
has been for our family. I wrote down some notes
so that I wouldn’t forget what I wanted to talk about. I’ve been keeping a list
for like four weeks. Chad today has been gone
as I’m recording this 4 1/2 weeks, almost five
and I wanted to start by telling you that I,
what I believe about you. I am referring to young
viewers who are between the ages of like 10 and
20, I know what society says about you and I know
how you are perceived by most people and I don’t
agree with it at all. I don’t think you’re a lazy generation and I don’t believe that you are incapable and I don’t believe that you are weak. I believe that what we
are seeing with the mental health state of children today is not a reflection of your weakness. Hear me out, I think, I believe it from, from the bottom of my heart, that it is an indicator that you are very, that you’re a generation who is very very sensitive to truth. And I believe that when you
see truth it resonates with you and I believe that when you see falsehood or false belief systems, it effects you and you spin because I don’t
believe that this generation is gonna tolerate the
hate and the injustices and the false belief systems
that we’ve inherited. I just want to say that
the reason Chad is gone to this ANASAZI camp is not
because he did anything. The truth is, got a text from Bonnie, Kevin and I had sat down with Chad and we said okay we
know that you struggled in school last year and
let’s talk about it. And as we talked more and
more and we got Chad’s input it became more and more
apparent to all three of us that Chad wasn’t ready for school. That he was going to be repeating a lot of the behaviors that got him
suspended form school last year. So we said you know what, we love you and we care about you more
than we care about school. We care about the things
that you’re telling yourself, the shame that you’re taking on yourself, that worries me more than
anything you could do. Kevin and I decided that
we needed help teaching him how to see himself in a healthy way and so we found ANASAZI
and we said we really think this is gonna be great for you. So that’s why we sent him. It’s not because he did anything or he got involved in
anything, that is not the case. I look at our decision as
being a little more proactive than reactive, which is a, I’m learning, is a better way to parent
than to always be reacting. I want to share with you Chad’s voice. I’m not gonna share
everything but I thought that this would be okay to share with you. Oh, I should explain, so before
I play that, let me explain. Chad is walking in the
Anasazi Desert, the wilderness and he has people who are
very very professional who know the outdoors and how
to survive in the outdoors, they’re survival specialists. And he walks with them and
once a week his shadow, who is a counselor, comes out and gives him a printed
out email that we send. We write him a letter and we
email it and he prints it out and Chad is able to read it. After Chad reads the letter,
Chad gives him the letter that he wrote to us for the week and then his shadow takes a picture of it, scans it and sends it to
us in the form of an email. So once a week we get
an email correspondence. We don’t talk to him on the phone. We don’t see him on FaceTime. We don’t Skype. He has no access to electronics. And what a huge gift to be out for months without access to technology. His shadow goes out with a phone when he gives him the email,
the printed out emails, and he takes pictures. He’s sent us a few pictures of Chad. He takes pictures of the
landscape so we get to see some of the beautiful
wildlife that he’s experienced and he gave us a gift and
he recorded Chad’s voice. He gave him the voice memo
and Chad was able to record like a hello to us and
I’ll play it for you. – [Chad] Oh man guys. This week has been crazy. There’s a bee on me, okay, sorry, okay. I don’t think I’ve ever,
ever opened up this much. Especially to you two. Not even sure what to say right now. It’s been really hard out here. I’m not sure if I’m
ready to come home yet. I’m gonna keep working hard out here. I really appreciate you
guys working as well and I know that, I know that it’s definitely gonna be worth it when I come back. I’m gonna really be
grateful for this place. So this sounds crazy but
I really thank you guys for bringing me to ANASAZI. – I probably listened to
that like a hundred times. Chad says that his hair is really long and it’s past his ears and he
said it’s like bleach blonde because he’s outside 24
hours a day, every single day and in Arizona so his hair
is just bleach bleach bleach. Since I decided to share
this and Kevin obviously, since Kevin and I decided to share this, do you have any clue how
many people have come to me? I’ve had neighbors, I’ve
had people from my church, I’ve had mothers email me, I’ve had two YouTube moms reach out to me. I went to an Alex Boye party
and there was a mother there and she says did you know that there’s a Facebook group, a private Facebook group where we all share the
commonality where we have mental illness in the family,
specifically in our children. And we have this Facebook group
where we can find support. And your video, that you shared, has gone viral on our Facebook page. It’s been shared hundreds and
hundreds and hundreds of times because they are thirsty for support. And when my video came
out they just drank it up. It was like fresh water. It was like wow, this is great to get the support without the shame. Shame is not welcome here in my walls and it has taken a lot of training to be able to identify shame. It has not come easy and
it’s probably, no it is because we had a lot of shame in our home that began to produce symptoms
and began to be problematic. And it was like gosh if I
just address the problems in our home all I would
be doing would be like this mom on the edge, always
like fixing things and yelling and harping and it would
just be like this cycle. And I just decided you know what, I’m gonna be smart about this
and I’m gonna go straight for the culprit and it is not the behavior. You guys, it is not the behavior. It is what we’re telling ourselves. So, I’m going to share with you some books that have opened my eyes to what shame is and how to identify it and how to get out of that shame cycle. Podcast Connections Classroom is my first, I would recommend that
highly and it’s hard to find. It’s not spelled like connections,
it’s spelled with an X, ConneXions Classroom by Jodi Hildebrandt. The first podcast you hear, you’re gonna go I don’t know about this. It sounds pretty harsh. But if you listen to
several, you’ll start getting a hang of the language and it will, you’ll start identifying things. It has truly turned my life around. And my my family’s. Okay so the ANASAZI program is amazing. It’s amazing. Let me show you the books
that we got from them. This is the book that Chad
is reading out on the trail along with he’s also reading the Bible and he’s reading The Book of Mormon and we’re reading that too. They also gave us this book,
“The Anatomy of Peace.” This is excellent for being
able to see people as people and not problems and that
was another invitation in to shame that I was always
kind of allowing myself to do. But if we see people as
people it gets us out of that bitterness and out of that hole. I love that book, I highly recommend it. They also gave us “The Outward Mindset.” These are both written by
The Arbinger Institute. They’re amazing. They work a lot with
the ANASAZI Foundation. “The Outward Mindset”
these are two workbooks that we’ve been working on. So while Chad’s going on the trail, I’m going on the trail too
and just writing things down. I read these as well. These were not recommended by ANASAZI. They’re both written by Shefali Tsabary? I don’t know how to say her name. I think she’s Indian
and when you read these, just like when you first start listening to ConneXions Classroom,
you’ll go oh she sounds really harsh, oh that sounds really mean, that doesn’t sound like
kindness, that sounds like. If you’re not used to
this kind of language, you’re gonna be shocked,
you will be shocked. Just to answer a couple of questions, the most asked questions about Chad. When is Chad coming home? I don’t know. The great thing about this program is it’s flexible because not everybody learns at the same pace. He could be gone eight weeks,
he could be gone 12 weeks, he could be gone 16
weeks, I just don’t know. We are gonna be going to a family camp where Kevin and I go and
hike the trail with him. We, I’m going to ask him if
it would be okay if I film, just a few things, not everything. But like I think Chad teaching
me how to start a fire with sticks would be something
kinda cool to record. He’s had some close encounters
with some scary things which I’m happy about
because he’s building this confidence that
wow look what I can do. What are our plans when Chad gets home? There’s, I know that he can get some credit for this, not full credit. Like I think like it
would definitely count as a P.E. credit, all the hiking and perhaps like a science class maybe because he is learning
about all the animals and wildlife and he has
learned how to identify all of the plants and I don’t know where he’s going to go to school. That’s something that has
been secondary on my mind and Chad’s and we’ll discuss it when we go out to family camp. His choices are you know to
go back to private school, to stay home and be home schooled. I don’t think he’ll be
going to public school. I don’t think it’s set up to
support what his needs are. My goal is to be a support
to him while he’s gone and then when he comes
home to be able to make connections between what he was learning on the trail and at home. So you know out on the
trail they gave them a pocket knife and they
gave him a flint kit to make fire with and they gave him, they gave him these survival tools and he’s learned how
to use them with skill. And when he comes home and
he’s put in this modern day environment the knife isn’t
gonna come in as handy as it did in the wilderness. So what are those skills
when he comes home? That’s why I’m so picky about
the school that he goes to. Are these schools going
to support these tools of survival in the modern day world? And, that’s why I do believe
a lot of kids are struggling. I think everybody can say yeah, when you’re in the
wilderness you need a knife, yep, you need a knife. In the modern day world
I don’t know if all of us could agree on what those tools are and I’m trying to find education systems that have the same values as I do. I believe that one of those tools is going to be taking
responsibility for your actions. That is a tool and it is
hard to learn sometimes. Takes a lot of humility to learn to be responsible for your actions. Thank you for inviting
me to feel comfortable sharing this because I really
mean it when I say I love you and I feel like I have
these YouTube children too. I’m a mother at heart and I
feel like in some weird way, some roundabout way I
am a mother to you too. And I don’t take that lightly at all. I hope you guys are finding
support that you need so that you can grow and flourish and become the best you
that you possibly can. And I hope that you’re
taking responsibility for your choices and really
deciding who you want to be and the kind of person you want to show up in life as and then do it. Thanks so much you guys. I will be doing more updates,
so make sure you subscribe. Good night. (upbeat music)

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