my ear popped and it felt like there was
all kinds of goo coming out of it and then there was there was giant pus ball
in my ear yesterday not helping pal Good Morning vlog. You going to say hi or no Hi Vlog.
we didn’t vlog yesterday we didn’t do anything and then we went to the movies
it’s hard to vlog in the movies we saw breakthrough and dark heart
was crying and now we’re going to the doctors again
because well because Urgent Care is closed because Easter is tomorrow
so I don’t know why our regular doctor’s office is open I think they are unless
they’re just whatsoever highly unlikely the city is a taiko there’s a church on every other block
our city is so religious that every school gets Monday off because they have
travel day after Easter but anyways last night my ear popped and
it felt like there was all kinds of goop coming out of it and then there was holy crap I don’t they really can’t Oh a
boulder no that’s a pillow but okay I really can’t towel on here because it’s
a video of a picture of a very blurry or not very clear dusty picture but there
was a giant pus ball in my ear yesterday and then she dried it out kind of with a
q-tip but it was still gross so I don’t know what we’re doing because it’s too
late now that the pus ball is already all
losing out of my ear infected we have to look in your ear
yeah but predicament your muscle here is that we just saw her on Wednesday or Tuesday
Tuesday Wednesday whatever and my ears were perfectly fine then so two days
really no maybe it was Tuesday okay three days
really good news everybody my ear drum looks
fine the ear canal is just really irritated we don’t know where all the
goop came from because it just magically appeared apparently but we’re getting
ear drops to try to make the ear less irritated irritated get irritated
did you take your medicines like you’re 11 o’clock nope
gracious me alive oops blam Oh so why they’re open on Saturday
before Easter Easter and the urgent care hasn’t even opened by and she’s the one
that’s there yeah my doctor was there so is Pleasant legend I thought we were
gonna be with one of them other foods we don’t know that you shouldn’t take oral
antibiotics yeah and then she saw the bruises on my arm because the bruises
are actually coming up now it’s like big purple spots well we don’t make your
drops you don’t put them in yet and I forgot to telling you earlier it’s like
to me it’s not a big deal that I can move my head out of this I did I showed
by doctor that oh my gosh and so is she but I don’t see why you were shocked
because you moved in so fast you walk like that we go Brown because it doesn’t
hold my head up that’s why I’m supposed to be wearing on the blue one but not
the not the blue one has a head strap because that was just making things
worse and the blue one that comes up to my ears
which hopefully that one will come in on Monday so then I can wear that one
during the daytime and then wear these ones at night because these ones I tend
to break at night well I also broke the blue one but blue one breaks faster for
me at night and well I had it out here I had another
statement but I can’t remember so I guess I don’t anymore buddy hello vlog Happy Easter
and look I’m wearing real clothes for the first time I ran for it
because I got it for Easter this outfit ready the floppy shirt kind of you can’t
tell that’s all floppy because it’s under my color and then it’s a skirt see she got it from Target cuz you said that
and she got me a jumpsuit black and white okay and I’m still not
wearing shoes so I’m just carrying them with us see you at Easter her even buddy
comes outside on its turf yes yes here they go she put on buddies a collar wrong so his
three little arms are in the neck hole yeah yeah there’s eating rooms ready for
dinner I was vlogging in that I forgot so
they’re playing pictionary in there and we’re leaving Happy Easter vlog boy
we’re inside but I know they’re playing pictionary pictionary
I know what Alex think this am so like they do barely even start drawing
another ones like pie or iceberg well you should come up with our own
pictionary that are more like today’s oh she was going joked well mine it’s been
Easter hello it’s Monday and it’s pretty much like a normal Monday because I am
here all alone but um it is still spring break here it just they get a travel day
today traveling for what I don’t know I live
an Easter which was yesterday and I’m still wearing mostly my Easter
outfit I just took off the skirt so now I’m wearing shorts and it’s probably my
outfit for today umm thoughts so the past like a little while we have three
new predicaments in my life I’m losing my memory pretty much all of it it’s
gone so any like new thing I’m trying to learn is not happening whatsoever and I
don’t know what that means or what is happening there but yesterday I went to
wash my face I got the towel the like washcloth that couldn’t remember what to
do with the thing and then by the time I got it like water on it and everything
and then I couldn’t remember what I was trying to do
ah and like you know how when somebody when you walk into a room you like you
shoot I don’t remember why I’m here that’s what I feel like all day long and
I don’t know if I should be saying this because kind of raises some issue but
sometimes I don’t really know where I am so good thing I don’t drive so I’m not
gonna look like and if somewhere dangerous but sometimes we’ll just be in
our house and I have no clue where I am and I’m like hmm I should know this
place only lived here for almost 20 so 15 years since my fifth birthday party
with like a week after we moved in here I think and I can’t remember my other
two predicaments oh one of them my um I think I have some sort of virus which is
making my body real wonky so you can only tell to this as the Sun is so
bright on it but see how there’s like big red spots in the whiteness of my
tongue and then there’s like cracks it look cracks but it’s not like my tongue
is cracked it’s like yeah now or I want to get to up close to my tongue because
I think tongues look really grows up close but um that’s my dad pulse it like
raspberry tongue it’s what it kind of looks like it happens whenever I get a
virus or if I get a cold or anything like a I don’t know any kind of sickness
it happens and it when it gets really bad it’s called geographic tongue so
we’re headed in that direction right now because hey I don’t even know how to
describe what it feels like but my tongue feels like
pasty when it this happens and I can tell because the top of my mouth feels
like that already so that’s what’s happening with that and then on top of
that I have some sort like I don’t even know my ears are like and it’s just you
know I don’t know if the inflamed ear canal or infected ear canal first off
how does that even happen but I don’t think that’s getting much better and
then the third thing we don’t know if I’m hat well this kind of goes with the
virus thing we don’t know if I’m having an allergic reaction to something that
I’m eating because it happens my like weird allergic reactions anthems seem to
be happening when I eat or when I’m like in the kitchen more often so there’s
something either in our kitchen or that I’m eating this triggering some sort of
um allergic reaction response cuz my face it’s kind of swollen I I start
getting watery and then I get this weird rash all over my body
so like it’s pretty much never going away I don’t know it’s hard to see in
person so I don’t think it’s gonna be easy to see on the camera but I have
basically like the a this pattern of bumpiness all over my entire body and
then when it gets but then when I get the like the allergic reaction symptoms
with it like up here think the skin starts to like fall off
oh yeah and with the thumb virus thing my skin is falling off of my hands and
I’m super sweaty which that could just be because this this neck brace is no
longer holding my head up pretty much what so
ever like it’s helping because it prevents my head from moving so far as
to cause um difficulty breathing and things like I normally would have while
I also don’t lay down so that’s debatable whether I would still be able
to breathe what if I lay down but then also it’s like my hand flush armed I’m
in this situation it’s mmm it’s not too much worse than it normally is but it’s
definitely slowly progressing to getting worse again which I think has to do with
the fact that this really isn’t holding my head up very much anymore like I
don’t even know how I could describe but like I know I should not be able to do
that in the neck and this and any type of egg race you really shouldn’t be able
to leave and this is as high as a neck thing can go and you can’t make it much
tighter around my neck because then it starts squeezing my head I like my neck
so then I would pass out I’ve done that before that was not on purpose either
that I um I didn’t realize that that would happen if I tightened it like
pulled the straps tighter it made me pass out oops
so my physical therapy today later in like two hours and I’m pretty much home
alone because nobody knows where Nolan went this morning he left pretty early
but probably Baseball’s of some sort today because they have a game tomorrow
and then don’t remember what the other thing was that I was going to say
waiting bye for now hello it’s still Monday I think the last
day of spring break and then I’m all alone again there are a few things we
need to talk about but I’ll probably forget because I pretty much have no
memory at this point like I think I said earlier but it feels like
that feeling of where you’ve walked into room and you can’t remember why are you
there but that’s what I feel like all the time most of the time unless I’m
like when I go out you guys out the living room I was like Marty Marty Marty
Marty my whole way there psycho remember and then but then also I’ve been having
my league I should I know I shouldn’t admit this but I already said it on
Instagram so it’s out there now that this is well this is kind of I shouldn’t
say it on the internet because it’s kind of a safety issue but I mean I don’t
drive I don’t cook I don’t swim so like really those are the most things like I
could be a danger to myself and others because I’ve been doing that weird thing
where I walk around our house and I have no clue where I am but I’m not scared
because I know I should know where I am but I’m just like what the heck like so
today I walked around our house art I didn’t really walk around the house i
sat in one place in our living room and looked around for a while like where am
i what should I be doing so then I when I was more aware I don’t know why I’m
like coming in and out of awareness and I think this usually doesn’t happen
unless I like right after week I come home from the hospital stuff and I’m on
like weird levels with meds that that that kind of happens but we haven’t
changed anything so I don’t know why it’s happening now where I like it’s
just letting it lucky around like what the heck
so I got the iPad and parked myself at the kitchen counter so that I figured
was just watching random videos was being more productive than just staring
at the wall like yeah so that’s how my day has been so far and then I had
another what am i weird allergic reactions to who knows what I don’t even
know like what is causing these things because I’m not in the same place
every day what happens and I’m not doing the same thing and it’s not like it’s a
it’s not even the same time of day and I eat it the same time of day effort and I
eat the same thing every day so that probably shouldn’t be it because I’ve
been doing the same like eating the same thing and at the same time and
everything for months now so like I literally the same thing every day it’s
probably not a really good thing for my life but that is what it is um without I
already can’t remember the other thing that I was going to say oh why we
haven’t been talking there’s a few there’s a few reasons one of which is
that I can’t remember so I can’t remember anything so it’s kind of hard
to have a solo conversation cuz it’s really just me talking to myself and
then I will listen to it again later but um it’s kind of hard to have a solo
conversation when you can’t even remember what your thought was beginning
of your sentence and say yeah the other part factor of this is that I’ve been
like I just didn’t feeling terrible lately but I don’t know what is causing
it really cuz it’s it’s not like an exact thing where I can be like my back
hurts so that’s why I feel gross no I’m just like I just feel gross in general
so what does happy like what do we do for that because there really isn’t like
a just like my whole body has been hurting so it’s like I was for a while
sitting around like a five-ish pain which was fantastic and then recently
it’s been more like a seven ish all the time which isn’t as bad again as it was
last year but it’s also worse off than I was earlier this year
so yeah and then like emotionally I’ve just been like drained lately which
again I’m not even like really like emotional over something well well well
well so I can feel myself getting kind of worked up already which good job Alan
it’s only a week out this time not two weeks where I was just freaking out for
two weeks Austin before Ranbir eyes but I haven’t ever I had a week so that
could that could be a little contributing factor to my like emotional
this where I just want to cry all the time
see I’m trying not to let myself just like vote but um I also just feel like
overwhelmed all the time which could be um my like losing my memory basically
could be a contributing factor to that because I don’t really understand what’s
going on around me most of the time or why I’m doing things that I’m doing but
so I I feel like I need to be alone a lot more by the time I will have plenty
of alone time this upcoming week because everybody goes back to school tomorrow
and then all his baseball at night I’m probably not going to and then soos is a
haircut so nobody will be home to like eight ish how plenty of alone time
tomorrow so hopefully maybe that will get me just like me loaded with my own
thoughts will either help me like to process what’s going on in my mind right
now that I can’t really grab a hold of or just I don’t know and then also can’t
remember the other thing or again why oh well ah-hey lies like being in pain all the
time really just wears on your emotions and you’re just like and a lot of the
time I am okay with where I’m at not that like it wouldn’t be nice to be in
less pain but I’m okay with where I’m at because I know that there’s really
nothing more at least for now that we can do but at the same time there are
days where I just wanna like bash my head against the wall which I did
other day which Shh okay don’t something I should be doing but sometimes like
when I get into my hair pulling and biting sometimes I make my head against
the wall which is not safe well none of those things are really
good to do but at least they’re not as dangerous to my body as my neck all
right for my neck but it’s like today I just kind of worried what am I like why
why is it like this why do I have to deal with all this
they’re like other days I just feel like straight up angry about it that we can’t
do anything worried you know for it because well I’m gonna tell you being in
pain old time really sucks and he’s called my pain doctor today or at least
called her office she wasn’t in so she left a message and she were trying to
switch my doctor’s again because this we pretty much ran out of options basically
with this one so we’re trying to find some me maybe more experienced or I
don’t know who has something different to offer because opioids are not a fix
or are not a treatment plan they are a band-aid that we are using at the moment
to try to get us through to June or May or whenever that appointments I think
it’s a and may or the beginning in June and when deuce is on the phone to it she was
neat I don’t know if she’s very proud of herself for saying very sassy statement
up she was on the phone with the people in Julia bless her heart she tries but
she’s like we’re out of options alert so good thing I already have the
appointment lined up with pain psychology because they asked when she’s
on the phone today if I see a psychologist and she is like yeah we
have an appointment coming up with one in June in Stanford but yeah the other
she she told them what happened with the last one which I mean I I don’t know
basically I should give this a trigger warning to the next like 30 seconds ish
skip ahead if you are offended or triggered by rude comments about life
and yeah so basically the psychologist that I saw locally his statement to me
was that if he had my life he would have already killed himself
not helping pal and that yeah I think that’s all I’m gonna say about that
other well mm-hm yeah that’s all I think I really wanted to say about that right
now and maybe I’ll get into it on another
day maybe I won’t just because it’s like not really helpful at all so I don’t
know if like telling a very terrible story about that kind of thing is at all
helpful but I now when rambling on for 11 minutes I can’t remember why I
started rambling on this earlier hopefully I got to the
point basically if my mind is like right now at least when I feel like I can’t
remember anything it’s because in my head it kind of feels like I’m stuck in
a loop of certain thoughts which right now I’m just like my mind is kind of
getting stuck in that loop of stressing about a MRI and like the upcoming
appointments and whatever I don’t I’m not really looking forward to this
upcoming one or the one in another week or two but because both of which could
lead to a lot of testing and I just hate going through testing because it’s not
very um nice for my body and before my next round of all the testing everything
I should probably gain a few more pounds oh well I don’t know it’s not GI testing
so it should be okay ish I do need to gain a few more pounds before like
August or whatever whenever I get my next scopes done because scopes always
make my blondie freak out and then I lose like ten pounds and violet lost ten
pounds at the weight I am now it would be very dangerous so I’m going to bed
I don’t know if this is the end of vlog or not but Lacey uh tomorrow

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