Her pain was hidden behind her smile..[Hello Counselor ENG,THA/2018.9.17]

“Please Help My Daughter.” Be my daughter for today. Okay, Mom. I can see your father in you. (Imagining a husband that never existed) Hello. I’m a housewife who lives a busy life. I had our youngest child at an old age, over 40. I have a 16-year-old daughter, a 10-year-old son and a 5-month-old son. I am now a mother of three. I do house chores and look after my kids all day. But it’s so hard. But I have someone who’s like a savior to me. Daughter. “Brother. Are you done with your homework?” – To the 5-month-old son. / – “I’ll watch you.” Waaah! Waaah! “Oh, are you hungry?” I’m your mother. My daughter babysits her brother well and helps me with house chores, too. But I started to face a problem a week ago. “Daughter. Can you help me?” “No.” (Out of the blue?) “You think I’m not tired because I always smile? It’s so hard for me, Mom.” She’s exhausted. “I just want to die.” Oh my. (Oh no!) I was shocked by her unexpected response. But the next day… “I’ll take care of your brother now. Let me know when it’s too tough for you.” “I’m fine, Mom. I’ll take care of him.” My daughter says she’s fine now. But why am I so worried? I want to know how she really feels. Please help me out. How do you feel about this? I can relate to it. Really? Why? My father was sick when I was young, so I had to take charge of the family. I have two younger brothers. I had to nurse him as I traveled back and forth to train as a singer. I had to take care of my brothers, too. Did you get upset once in a while? It came to me when I had time to think. I would get lost in deep thougths from time to time. How old were you then? I was 16. – Right around the daughter’s age. / – 15-16. You could talk to the daughter today. Let’s bring the mom out now. Please come on out. (Who’s concerned about her daughter?) JR, Ren. Escort her. (Lee Hyeona) (Welcome) Ever since the youngest was born, your daughter has been helping you out? Yes. The baby cries when I’m not with him. I bet. So I can’t do any house chores. When my daughter comes home, she babysits while I do backed-up house chores. What about your husband? He leaves home early and comes home late. So I rely on my daughter a lot. Does your daughter do it voluntarily or do you ask her to help first? I asked her to help me many times. I have so much to do around the house, so I tell her, “Babysit him for a little bit.” But that turns into 30 minutes to an hour and more. Anyone who has children at home would know how hard it is to take care of a baby. In the past, when people asked, “Would you rather farm or watch a baby?” They said that they would rather farm. Did your daughter start to have a hard time only after the baby was born? Or has she always been helping you out? My husband had a hard time in the past, so I got a job when my other son was 4. Since then, my daughter would take her sick brother to the doctor by herself on a bus… So it’s been going on for years. That’s when it started. Who’s the real mother, huh? That’s why people call her, “Young mom.” – To your 16-year-old daughter? / – Yes. They say, “You’re their younger mom.” There’s a big age gap between your kids. Something good must’ve happened, huh? I’m just curious. Did you discuss having a baby with her? No. We were surprised, too. It happened out of the blue for the daughter. She cried a lot when I got pregnant. Why? Because she was happy? No, because she was upset. She knew that she’d have to babysit. (It was unexpected for me, too. I’m sorry…) Did she really say she wants to die? She would do the laundry on her own or clean the house with a vacuum cleaner for me. She’s such a good girl. She was always smiling, so I never thought it was tough for her. Then suddenly she said, “It’s too hard. I want to die. I want to jump off a building.” (Shocked) She got tested and was diagnosed with depression. I asked, “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” She said, “I know how busy you are. If I told you, what could you even do for me? How can you resolve it anyway?” She’s so mature. That’s what she said, so I’m frustrated and heartbroken. Let’s talk to the daughter now that we’ve heard your side of the story. (Everyone is curious about the good daughter) She’s so pretty. Hello. Hello. How do you feel? Your mother sent us her concern. At first, I regretted it a little. I can see that my family tiptoes around me. Mom doesn’t ask me to babysit my brother as often. So I feel bad for her. You think you made a big mess? She’s so considerate. You said that it’s hard to babysit your brother? Is it that hard? Once I’m done with school, I get home at around 8 p.m. That’s why I start to babysit my brother. When I’m about done, it’s 10 p.m. But he doesn’t go to sleep right away. He also wakes up 3-4 times during the night, so I don’t get to sleep fully. You’re right. Is everything about babysitting him hard? What’s the hardest part? He cries when he’s lying on the floor. If I pick him up too much that day, then when I’m asleep, my knee hurts like it’s being hammered. Older women usually feel that pain. Your left knee? Or your right knee? My left knee. (Why didn’t you tell me?) What’s the best method to play with the baby or to put him to sleep? I put him on the floor and sing pop songs to him. He likes to listen to pop songs? Pop songs instead of lullabies? You sing pop songs when you put him to sleep? Imagine that Minsang is a baby. He’s cute. (A super baby) I don’t think she can. The baby is crying. What do you sing for him? Recently, I sang Red Velvet’s “Power Up.” That is a really new song. “Power Up”? What about children’s songs? “My Brother with Curly Hair.” ♪ My brother has curly hair ♪ ♪ My brother with curls ♪ He might hate the song. He might prefer to have straight hair. You’re right. If it’s this hard to babysit your baby brother, why did you tell your mom no and then change your mind the next day? I got mad and relieved stress in that moment. But then I started to feel guilty. – You felt bad for your mom? / – Yes. She’s such a nice girl. I regretted not being more patient. Why don’t you want to burden your mom? Mom got weak after her second pregnancy. I’ve seen her sick many times. I was afraid that she might’ve gotten weaker since she gave birth at an older age. She’s such a good girl. So even though you wanted to talk to Mom, you didn’t because you didn’t want to burden her even more since she’s already having a hard time? Then how do you relieve stress? I just endure it on my own. You shouldn’t do that. People over there in the audience are crying. They can’t stop crying. Are you going through a tough time? Is every concern this sad these days? – Has it always been like this? / – No. I… I suffer from Meniere’s disease. What is that? (An ear disorder) I get dizzy, nauseous, vomit, and get severe headaches. I get sick for 2-3 days and I’ve ended up in the ER several times. My amniotic fluid ruptured early and I gave birth to our youngest at 36 weeks. My daughter witnessed everything and that’s why she’s so worried about me. Where did you hear that you had depression? We did classmate counseling at school. I checked off the things that applied to me and the result came out to be depression. I get very lonely when I’m alone. Before I go to sleep, I feel like I want to give up on my life. I thought about suicide at times. Recently, I’ve been crying myself to sleep. It’s been a while since I’ve slept well. (Concerned) Sunmi, you seemed to be shocked. She shouldn’t be going through this at her age. She gets enough stress from school, but she’s more stressed because of house chores. Imagine how tough it must be for her. You should’ve talked to your mom from the start. “Mom, I don’t feel too well these days.” I said, “It’s too tough for me.” Dad told me, “You don’t babysit your brother that much.” He should’ve complimented you. Dad is the problem. Did you ever have an outburst of rage? – About a week ago. / – A week ago. I was holding my baby brother and he threw up on me twice. So I got aggravated and yelled at him. “Why are you throwing up on me?” Dad said, “What are you doing to him that he’s only throwing up on you?” It’s your dad again, huh? Dad is the problem. I was upset for several days. Then Mom came to me and said, “Why do you look so upset? It’s making everyone uncomfortable. Why are you acting this way?” That’s when I told her about being depressed. I think we should talk to her dad now. (Yes, let’s see who it is) (If he were my dad…) Run. Now is the time. Run. Sir. – Do you know how old she is? / – Hello. She’s only 16 years old. I… (She’s too emotional to talk) Let me ask instead. I’m afraid she’ll lose fans if she speaks up. Is what your daughter said true? Yes. Do you remember saying those things? My youngest son was crying. “Your brother seems to hate you. He only throws up on you.” I was joking when I said it. You might’ve been joking, but… If it was a joke, she should’ve laughed. – She should’ve laughed. / – That’s a joke. Did the 5-month-old baby laugh at least? Someone must laugh for it to be a joke. I thought she was whining. When I was young, I would farm in the field with my parents, work all day and study all night without sleeping. I thought she should be able to handle this much work at her age. She wasn’t born in your times, sir. Then your ancestors would say, “In our times, we were chased by Japanese soldiers and fought for independence.” If you go further back, it’s the Joseon Dynasty. (I was wrong) How do you feel now? You must’ve been quite frustrated by your dad. Yes, I was upset. But I tried to be more understanding because… She always tried to be more understanding. We recently went on a family trip. I asked him to make a heart when we posed for a picture. He couldn’t do it. Why not? – Like this. / – Oh, like this? He couldn’t do this? Why not? He hurt his arm years ago and it didn’t heal properly. Then couldn’t you make a heart like this? I wanted to do this. This isn’t easy to do. (He formed a somewhat different heart) There were times when my husband had to go away for a while for his job. There was a time when he was sick. So my daughter has always helped me and comforted me. – So… / – She did. She’s the gem in the family. You thought she was just whining and didn’t think much of it, right? She would always smile and help me. That’s why… (Her pain was hidden behind her smile) (Why didn’t I see it sooner?) She has so much responsibility, which breaks my heart. She thinks she has to take care of all of us. She said, “I’ll be 30 when Hwanhui is 15. I’ll have to pay for his tuition then.” She tells me that at times. Oh my. I said, “That’s for us to worry about, not you.” She said, “You’ll be older by then.” That is why her dream is to have a stable job. You must’ve been upset when you heard that. Yes. – She’s too realistic, right? / – Yes. It looks like the happiest person in this family is the middle brother. Do you have any thoughts in your head? He’s only 10 years old. Brother. You’re sleepy, right? What’s your name? Lee Ha-eon. Lee Ha-eon? – Are you happy? / – Yes. That’s good! At least you’re happy! That’s good. Do you know why you’re here today? Yes. To resolve my sister’s concern. It’s her concern? Yes. – Not yours? / – No. Do you have any concerns at home? No. (How cute) Were you happy when your brother was born? Or were you surprised? I was happy. Why? I stopped being the youngest in the family. He thinks of it as a promotion. You can make him run errands in the future. (Smile) (We got you!) He smiled. That was funny. (Oh, my head) Younger siblings are like that. He imagined himself ordering his brother around. “Your life is over now.” Can’t you look after your brother, too? I do when my sister isn’t home. Oh. How? Do you change his diapers? I lie down next to him and talk. (Talking at eye-level as childcare) (Oh my goodness) “You’re my brother. You’ll run my errands in the future.” (He thinks it’s funny, too) How cute. You want to meet their youngest brother, right? – The 5-month-old? / – Yes. He’s here? – Where’s Hwanhui? / – He’s so cute. (Oh my) It’s Hwanhui. Oh my. Let me hold him. Come here. – He’s so cute. / – He’s so cute. (Look over here, too) He looks just like his dad. Oh my goodness. How do you take care of him? We can tell by the way you hold him. Oh my. She’s good. (I love being in my sister’s arms) You said you sing for him, too? (Bending her knees for her brother) You’re moving up and down. Why do you do that? He cries if I stand still. He does? Do you sing to him when he cries? Do you sing to him? Can you show us? When he lies down, it’ll be your turn, Ha-eon. (Oh) Get ready. ♪ My brother has curly hair ♪ He seems to like it. ♪ Dad calls you “Lee Hwanhui” ♪ He likes it. ♪ Mom calls you “My puppy” ♪ ♪ I call you “Our prince” ♪ Ha-eon, come over here. Show us how you watch your brother. I’m curious to see what he does. (How effective is his whispering?) Be careful. How cute. Lie down. Lie down. Look at him. (What happened?) (I am) (On my way to talk to you) (I’m the only one who knows what you want) (I’m your brother…) (Nope – Splat) How do you talk to him? (He’s feeling awkward) (I can’t look) (They are going to talk now?) Talk to him. (She automatically runs over) Talk to him. Why aren’t you doing anything? He’s wailing. He cries like this? She ran over when he started to cry. Don’t think about your brothers first. Make yourself the first priority from now on. Is there anything that you want to do? Don’t worry about your family. No. Are you in a financial bind? Since my husband is the only one who works things aren’t easy. But she shouldn’t worry about it. Last year in August we finished paying the debt from opening the gym. They paid off the debt. You should let her know these things. Did you know that they paid off the debt? – I didn’t know. / – Why didn’t you tell her? You should tell her these things. But moms never do. You should tell your kids these things. – You heard that, right? / – Yes. You don’t have to worry about financial problems. What do you think about that? When I tell them, “I’m having a hard time,” they say, “I am, too.” That’s why I always thought I should help out. When she says, “I’m having a hard time,” I said, “It’s even harder for me.” “Mom, I’m going through puberty.” I said, “I’m going through menopause.” – She can’t win. / – She never gets a break. I can understand Dad, Mom, the daughter and the baby. But not the middle one. He’s the happiest one. This is what I think. I went through my 20s and 30s. I’ll be 40 soon. Throughout my life, I can see that my ability to handle things improved. It feels like you treat your daughter like you two are on the same level. Her daughter? You think you two are equal, so you rely on her and whine to her. It might be tough for both of you, but she can’t control herself as well as you can. Let me ask you this bluntly. Do you rely on your husband more or your daughter? To be honest, I rely more on my daughter right now. I’m worried that my husband will get sick again, so I’ve started to keep him out of things. “Dad is tired, so you look after the baby.” Did you know about this? That she’s relying more on her daughter? I feel bad. If you think it’s overwhelming for your daughter, you should treat her more nicely. I’m not good at that. That’s ridiculous. (Why can’t you do it for your suffering daughter?) I’m not good at expressing love with words. People say children learn through our actions. But you or Mom never complimented her. She never had anyone to rely on. Tell your parents what you want from them. Particularly, what do you want from your dad? He buys me what I like and gives me allowance at times. But he ruins everything with his words. – That’s how I am. / – Sir! So? (Dad, shh) He says he isn’t good at expressing things, but I’d like to hear that he loves me. Sure. What’s so hard about that? I want Mom to support me no matter what I do. I do cheerleading at school. – Cheerleading? / – At school? She says, “It’s such a waste of time. Study instead.” But that’s how she relieves stress. That’s my way of dealing with my life. Sir. Your daughter wants to hear you say you love her. Can you do that for her? Yes. Can you please tell her that here? She wants you to speak nicely to her. (Awkward) (Feeling awkward, too) Yeongchae. I haven’t done this because I’m not good at expressing my love. I am sorry. I’ll try to be a better dad. Yeongchae, I love you. (That’s what she wanted to hear) She seems so happy. Look at your daughter, sir. The color just came back to her face. She looks more lively. What would you like to tell your daughter? Don’t try to burden yourself with the concerns of the future. We’ll take care of your brothers. Just focus on achieving your dream. Prepare the switch. Minsang, is it a concern or not? Once this is aired, you will get lots of compliments from others. That’ll raise your spirits. Father and Ha-eon should avoid going outside. Don’t walk out to the main streets. It’s a concern. I think it’s a concern. I think it’s a concern. I don’t think it’s a concern. If you think it’s a concern, press the button. (What does the audience think?) 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Please stop. Please show us the result. Did they get over 100 votes out of 200? Many people pressed the button. It’s shocking for Mom. (They got 114 votes)

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