Scottish ASMR ~ Cranial Nerve Exam with a wee problem.

Hey, how’s it going? Good good, says here you’ve come in for a
cranial nerve exam is that right? ok, no that’s fine I’m just ah, I’m just a
wee bit suprised we don’t ah, we don’t really do them anymore yeah they’re very unusual now to do, I don’t
know if you’ve noticed but but um, on YouTube there’s millions and millions of these videos
now, um AMSR or something like that yeah and ah, see I used to do, I used to do about five
cranial nerve exams a week, no problem whatsoever and now you know I’m lucky if I get one every
six months so you know but hey, you’re here so that’s fine, no problem I can sort you
out no problem at all so, um so yeah we’ll check your eyes out makes
sure everything’s, everything’s ok um I’ll just get your name, what’s your name? ok and how old are you? right ok looks like that’s all I need for
now well let’s just start shall we? um, what I normally like to do is just ah,
like any of the other cranial nerve exams, there’s, you’ve probably seen them before
on those AMSR videos or whatever um, is the you just follow my finger ok? for a wee minute
and that way it’ll give me an idea of where your, if you’ve got a lazy eye or if your
focus is right that type of thing so, just follow my finger that it, keep looking at my finger yep, oh yep, ok no it’s fine, it’s fine see that? yep, you can still see that? ok that’s good that’s pretty good ok, just yeah, wee bit curious about what’s
going on here, I don’t mean to worry or anything it’s fine, but there is something odd on your
left eye, it’s ok we’ll come back to that in a minute ok so, let me just sort you out with the torch,
now this torch is very bright so I apologize if it’s, it’s part of the test ok, it’s gonna,
it might hurt your eyes a wee bit but just for a second, just follow the light please, there you go,
that’s it yeah I know it’s like a J.J. Abrams movie isn’t it, yeah aye, aye it is that’s
good, oh ok, very interesting, very very interesting, excuse me a wee moment, just want to get a
nice close look at it, ah ok yep, hmmm ok, it’s nothing to worry about, yeah, think
I might need to do that finger test again in fact I’ve got something even better for
that, see we used to have all the tools here but like I said, I hardly ever do these exams
anymore, um I don’t think anyone really does them anymore apart from all those YouTube
channels whatever, um so I kinda sold all my tools, right so, I have to just kinda make
do with what I’ve got so, used to have um, some specialised equipment for this particular
section this is a focus test, but this screwdriver will do the job just nicely ok? so, I’d like you to try and focus on the tip
of the screwdriver as best you can. That’s it, yep good job, Excellent, that’s not bad aye, I’d say that’s
pretty good, yep, yep ok, ok, it’s not just about the eyes so I’m curious what’s happening
with your left eye so we’ll come back to that, we’ll come back to that in a wee second, but
if any of this is related to your sense of smell or other senses we’ll find that out
now so I’d like you to follow the candle, yeah uh
huh can you still see that? can you still see it now? uh huh, yeah that’s what I thought you can’t
see that? right, you can see that though? how about, you can see that ok?yeah good,
that’s good right, ok, let’s just get a wee smell of that, yeah, what does that smell
like to you? yeah, try again a candle, it smells like a candle yeah good
job, it does. It smells just like a candle yeah, nothing
wrong with, nothing wrong with your old nose there, so that’s good, ok, so um, based on what I’ve seen um, look
I’ll be, I’ll be upfront, I think there’s something wrong with your left eye, it’s not,
it’s a bit lazy, it’s not a bad thing it just happens, there’s a few little marks and the
blood vessels look a little constricted and there’s a slight discoloration overall I have
to say I think your eye, your left eye it needs to be replaced. Yep, now don’t panic, the good news is we’re
living in the future ok, so we can replace just about anything now so, yeah look it’s
no problem like, aye it’s not problem at all, um, you want a new eye, I can get you a new
eye by 3’o Clock this afternoon with eyeliner if you want, no? ok well if you want to I could but tell you
what, I’m going to phone up my friend Stevie he uh, he’s an expert in what we call the
black eye market, just a wee joke but um, just gimme, nah it’s ok, just gimme
a wee minute, we’ll see what we can do for you, to get that eye, Stevie, aye mate, it’s Muzz, no no I’m not
watching the football mate, aye aye, eh listen I’ve got a very very important client with
me right now yeah, very important that’s right um we need a replacement left eye so what
can you do? yeah, what?how much?it’s going to be $10,000
Stevie that’s too much mate, no no this is a very important client it’s no ah no, no
no no, you’re going to have to do better than that Stevie, aye, aye aye, listen don’t give
me your first price give me your last price, I’m not in the mood to haggle, ok yep, really
really, ok, well hold on hold on, what about a used eye? yeah we’ll find out, much? much for a used one? 500? what’s wrong with it? aye, aye, what
seriously? what seriously? ok, um, alright well, hold on, there’s a couple
of wee hairs on it he says, but Stevie mate just wipe it off, would you?just wipe it off
tell you what, what? You don’t have any steril…. look, look put it in a jar, with some mineral
water, you don’t have any mineral water? you don’t have any Evian or Perrier or something? ok, look Stevie mate listen, just pop it in
a jar, with some tap water that’s fine put some table salt in it, to keep it nice and
sterile aye, you don’t have any table salt? ok You don’t have any table salt, well, just
put some, you got any vinegar?right get some vinegar in it then and Stevie, Stevie were
not paying 500 mate, no chance, no chance, we’re not going to pay 500 for that, we’re
not paying 500 mate, no way, that’s what you get for not keeping some proper, not even
keeping any table salt in your house, yep, 350 tops. I don’t want to hear it mate, 350 tops that’s
the end of it. we’ll it’s your loss, look just chuck it in
a FedEx bag get it over here aye, aye, that’s fine, alright aye I’ll see you at the pub
on Friday, ok bye, he really is very good, most of the time so yeah um, yeah we’ll get
that replaced we’ll get that replaced for you, um no problem no problem at all , so
uh yeah, but I think you’ll get another wee while out of that left eye, before it finally
gives up the ghost, so not to worry, ok let’s just go over that with the torch one more
time, there we go, yeah just follow that, follow that light yeah you can’t really do
it with your left eye I know, coz it’s not, it’s not working right but don’t worry just
do the best you can just to complete, complete my little test here, uh huh right That’s good, that’s very good. ok yep, we are we are good aye, aye we’re
good, 500 sorry it was 350, yeah we’re not paying 500 for an eye with hairs on it, that’s
just silly. 350 plus yeah well like I said, the fee my
fee has gone up because I don’t really do as many of these,m I used to do like I said
about 5 a week now it’s like once every 6 months so, yeah it’s um 1500 dollars plus
fees and taxes and all that so, yeah it’s probably about 2600 all up, plus the 350 for
the, there will be a complete breakdown we’ll email you the invoice and all that we’l give
you a full 72 hours to pay, pay the bill yeah, so, there is there’s a interest fee goes up
about 50% a day after that, but no I think you’re all done, we’ll see you back here for
your next appointment very soon I’ll be in touch with you and give you a phone call later,
and we’ll get that other eye popped in there for you, ok, alright you have a wonderful
day and thank you so much for coming in to see me, it’s a rare treat to do a cranial
nerve exam again it’s like nostalgia so that you so much and we’ll see you later, ok bye.


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