The Results Of Our Sleep Experiment

Before we get started
we wanna invite you out to our Bleak Creek Conversations . The week that our novel
launches it’s the end of October we got this special event planned and we want you to be there. Yes, we’re gonna be
talking about the book, answering your questions, and also premiering a
very special documentary that we shot back in Buies Creek. The location then inspired Bleak Creek. We’re gonna be in Boston on October 27th. New York on October 29th. Chicago on the 30th. Dallas, Fort Worth on
Halloween, bring your costumes. Winston-Salem, North
Carolina on November 1st, that’s a double show. And then we’re gonna be in the L.A. area at the Wilshire Ebell Theater
on Sunday, November the 3rd, and that’s a very special show
because it’s a local show. We are bringing out the mythical crew, so you’re gonna get to see us, but you’re also gonna
get to see your favorite mythical crew members
including none other than Cotton Candy Randy will
be roaming the grounds. Oh, my goodness. So that will like a one of a kind, once in a lifetime sort of event there at the Bleak Creek Conversations
, November the 3rd. Tell your LA people. Or, if you’re looking for
an excuse to visit LA, that’s a good time to
tack on some mythicality. And just real quick, I wanna remind you, you get a book. You get a, you will walk out of the Bleak Creek Conversations with a physical copy of the
Lost Causes of Bleak Creek. It is included in your ticket price. It’s quite a deal. And, just to round out the year we’ve got four more dates if
you wanna see us in concert. Again, totally different show. Albuquerque, New Mexico, Phoenix, Arizona, Sacramento, California and
Valley Center, California, starting on November
20th through the 23rd. has
all your information. Let’s do a biscuit. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I’m Link. And I’m Rhett. This week at the round
table of dim lighting we are asking the question, are you sleeping wrong? What does that make you
feel, shameful and guilty? You’re puttin’ it on them. If so, mission accomplished. But, we’re also putting it on ourselves. Are we sleeping wrong. Are you sleeping right? We’re gonna be talking about our, now, we talked about, Sleep tight, sleep right. Sleeping on different sides of the bed, which we have a very
specific update about that because we tried it. We did it. But, we’re also gonna move beyond that to talk about sleep positions. And, we’re gonna break out contraptions. I have a contraption, an
invention that I bought, didn’t invent myself, that I have with me right here, I’m gonna break it out,
I’m gonna put it on. I’m gonna tell you how it feels. And what I experienced. And, you’ve had your own
perils in sleep positioning. Oh goodness. So, we’ve got, I mean, there’s quite a bit to talk
about believe it or not. This is gonna be the Kama
Sutra of sleeping episode. Uh, do we need to, Lot’s of positions. Do you need to Google that? I’m just saying positions. Oh, okay. Sleeping positions. Sleep, positions. There’s something I wanna run by you. Something that I’ve been experiencing. And I just need to talk it out ’cause I don’t know what to do about it. It involves my shower and it involves my neighbors, okay. All right. And it involves them at the same time. You’re showering with you neighbors again? As you know I’m a, well, I was gonna say schedule oriented. I’m a very routine oriented person. You don’t say? Is the word I’m looking for. So here’s the thing that I’ve found. I get in the shower pretty much the same time every morning. And, course when I get in the shower as I’ve established in an episode completely dedicated to my shower routine of Good Mythical Morning, I do the exact same thing
when I get in the shower. From start to finish. And, I think I may have
mentioned this on that episode but, when we remodeled our bathroom, I insisted much to the chagrin of my wife and the input we got from
people with design opinions, which is all these people Christy asked, to not put a window in my shower. So now you see where this is going. Because, I was like, and when we moved into our house there was a little window in the shower. And you would slide it
open, it was opaque. You could not see through
it, is what that means. But I would slide that puppy open and there’d be a little square
about the size of my head. Which direction does it face? Facing the front of my house. Facing the street? Yes, facing the street. ‘Cause, the second story of
my house is just my bedroom. It’s like the back of the house has a second story that’s
nothing but my bedroom, my bathroom and my walk-in closet. That’s all that’s up there. I have a whole second level
dedicated to my bedroom life. And this bathroom window in the shower over looks the front of the house. But, since it’s so offset, if you were walking down
the street or something you would be hard pressed to notice that there’s a window, I think. And I would take, and I
really started to enjoy at a certain point in my shower routine, opening that window,
letting the steam fly out and looking out, not at
the street, not at my yard, but, I can see some nature. There’s some mountains
in the distance there. And I have like a, so it’s
like having a nice picture of a mountain scene in my shower. Do you do this while
you’ve cut the water off and you’re lathering? I do it at, I try to do
it at multiple times. You open and close it? Well, that was my old window. When I remodeled the house I
insisted on having a window. And I insisted on getting a bigger window. Because that was only as
big as my face basically. I wanted one that was like, I wanted a widescreen
view of the mountains and everything else. So I got, and I didn’t
want it to be opaque. So I got a full visible window. Haven’t you seen it? Haven’t you been in my bathroom? No, I have not seen this. You should come up there man. I know, but I don’t like
to go up your second level. I’m like your dog. If you want me up there
you have to carry me. Yeah, that’s true. I do carry Jade up the stairs and down. I’ll carry you up there man. As much as I’ve talked about my toilet and now my shower routine. I’ve kinda been turned off at this point. I don’t wanna know about it. Yeah, it’s a lot. But I have to finish this story now. Okay. So yeah, I’ve really been enjoying, my window is a crank window that then it opens this
way, so it turns flat. But, are there. So if it gets fogged up
I can open that puppy up, and it gets flat and I can
look above and below it. No, there’s not a curtain in my, like a shower curtain just for the window? You’re telling me that
you got your wife to agree to have a see through window in the shower that any one can look through at any time. Not anyone. I mean, you have to be in
a certain vantage point to look in that window. And it turns out that vantage point is if you’re seated in your car, if my neighbor is seated in their car in the driveway when they’re
leaving to go to work. And it just so happens that
every time I’m in the shower lathered up, right when
I get full lathering, I look out that window, I can see, there’s like, I can see my neighbor’s driveway, I can see their car, I
can see the driver’s seat of one of their cars, and I can see one of them get in the car and put it in reverse and drive off. I think I can also see them seeing me. But they would be seeing
you in the mirror. No, they see me through the window. But they’re putting it in reverse. Are you saying they’re
putting their car in reverse and then looking over their back window. Is this across the street from you? No, this is on the same
side of the street. So when they pull in
forward into their driveway, they’re facing me. Okay, so when they’re backing out they can see up into your window. I understand. They just look out their front windshield back at their own house and look a little bit
to the right at my house on the second story back there, and they see a widescreen window with a guy lathered up taking a shower. Well, because what I was gonna say is, if it was the other situation, objects in mirror are
closer than they appear. You’d be fine. No, this is direct eye-to-eye contact. There’s no mirror involved. Yeah, this is objects are
exactly the same size. Now, it’s not a full length. Which may be disappointing. It’s not a full length window. It’s a landscape window. Is it nipples up? And it’s, I would say it’s
shoulder blades up for me, a six foot tall man. Okay, so it’s safe your wife. You’re just seeing your wife’s head. For Christy it’s just like it might be chin up. Is how, like if she’s
standing against the window she could rest her chin
on the window seal. Does she do that? Does she open the window when she showers? I don’t know, I don’t know. I need to ask her that. Do you still open the window now that you can see through it? Yeah, because it gets fogged up. And I wanna be able to see the mountains. Have you heard of anti-fog spray? I mean, I could come over and do that. Yeah, do that. But it also let’s the fog out so I don’t have to tax my vent. And I think about things like that. Don’t wanna run my bathroom vent too much. Your bathroom vent is not for fog. It’s for dookie smells. It is for fog. It’s for steam man. It sucks the steam out as well. Well yeah, it also does that. So that your mirror over your
sink doesn’t get fogged up. Yeah, I mean, it does that as well. But, I mean, you’re
making that much steam? How hot is your shower? You taking a super hot shower? I guess yeah. Okay, I woulda thought with the stopping and lathering and everything you wouldn’t of been
generating that much steam. And then it gets sucked out the window. But my question is, I found myself, whenever
I’ve started seeing my neighbor get in his car, I’ve like started
shimmying over and hiding. I’m hiding in my own freakin’ shower. That’s no way to live. Well, how big is a shower? I mean, it’s not hard to hide right. You just back away from the window. I kinda move over and I
have to hunch a little bit. And it, I’m experiencing shame. And I just don’t, I don’t
think that’s healthy. I just think I need to
unapologetically stand there. Who is the neighbor? What is the neighbor,
the husband the wife? The husband. I’ve seen the wife a couple of times. And what kind of relationship do you have with the neighbor otherwise? We have friendly exchanges at the mailbox. They got two young kids
that I sometimes yell at. Tell them to be quiet. No just kidding. I’m friendly with the kids. And I’m like, when they went on a vacation they asked Christy to water their plants. They gave us a key to
their house to do that. And they kept our mail
when we went on vacation. Okay, okay, so you have a friendly neighborly relationship. Never had them over for
dinner or vice versa. Do you plan on having
them over for dinner? Is there any incentive to do that? I think that it’s a good idea. I’d like to say that we’d eventually have them over for dinner. But let’s be honest, it will never happen. Okay, in the case of a natural disaster, let’s say like the big one hits the city or something like that. And everybody is kinda
holed up in their houses for an extended period time. I’m killing and eating them, yes. What kind of relationship
do want to have with them. Do you want to be the
leader of your street. Do you wanna be the
Midigan of your street, or do you want to submit to
the authority of your neighbor? In that situation. They’re both doctors. But, I don’t think that
they’re leadership potential. I think they’re more
like, they gotta focus on, This is actually, this
is very good information. Because, you’ve got two doctors that you need to do your bidding in the case of a shutdown of your street. Yeah. You wanna establish yourself as the temporary sort of
mayor of your little area. Yeah, ’cause I can’t be the doctor there’s already two of them. All right, then you need to be making full unapologetic eye contact
with him every morning that he backs up. So, okay, I need to assert my dominance. Yeah. I just need to, I just need
to assert my leadership. Do not back away because it will pay dividends. Should I wave? Definitely not. Should I smile? No, Just look. Do you know how to dominate? You don’t smile and you
don’t wave, you just stare. ‘Cause I was wondering if
I should just next time I see him by the mailbox,
just bring it up. Listen, I know that you see me showering. No, let it be your little secret. That you then cash in when you need it. In the apocalypse. You would be absolutely, if you do this for another six weeks, you could get this man to do anything. Wow. You’re weird. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna stare him down man. And my hands are gone be up. I want him to know I’m
kinda going with you here, I want him to know that I’m lathered up and that I’m showered. That’s a good touch. Like, raise both hands. I would say shampooing. Shampooing while staring. Shampooing while staring. But don’t look like you’re
enjoying the shampoo. Look like, I’m shampooing
but all I’m thinking about is the power I have over you. Stoic leadership assertion. Yeah. This is not gonna be easy. You know I got a window in
my shower too, I’ve never, Really?
Yeah I do. Do you open it. It’s a small opaque one but it, Does it open? It opens enough to like a,
“Shining,” looking through a doorway sort of amount of face. Okay, from eyeball width. But, my neighbors, there’s only one neighbor
that I could see that way and it’s a side of their
house that they literally never go to. It’s like a little walk way
on the side of the house and they’re never there. If I stand really close
to the nozzle of my shower and then look back to the
right, over my shoulder, or turn around, I can get an angle into their house. Because, the remodeled
after me I should say, and they put two French doors
on that side of their house where there used to nothing. So now, if they play their cards right, they can see me while in their house. But again, it’s still from the shoulder, from the collarbone up. So I need to try to stare
at them in there too, huh. Yeah well, you know, here’s another thing, here’s another reason
that you need to do this because you don’t want there to be like a Bathsheba situation with your wife. Oh, that’s right. You know what I’m saying? Yeah, they see her bathing. That’s right. And they’re gone put me on
the front lines of the war. Right, you have to be like, I know that you can see my wife bathe. From the chin up. If King David had of known
that Bathsheba’s husband could of seen her bathe, he probably wouldn’t just, he would of given her
some tips before he left. Well listen, why don’t we just assume the empowerment that’s deserved here, and Christy should be staring too. See should also assert her dominance. She wanna be, okay sure, yeah. You think she can do that? She thinks she’s comfortable doing that? Trust me, she’s better than me at staring and asserting dominance. Okay, all right. Yeah, I think you could be, now, you’re basically saying
that you will be a tag team. Hell yeah. Yeah, if that’s what she wants go for it. Yeah, I need to ask her if she opens. I highly recommend having a window. I mean, especially if
there’s something to see. ‘Cause when you’re in the
shower it’s nice to look out at the scape. The first house that we looked at, that we actually made an offer on before we ended up
buying our current house, one of my favorite features of it, in spite of the fact that
it needed a lot of work in order to be habitable
by my wife’s standards. I think, I don’t know if
you ever went up there and looked at this, but this was one that
was at the very, very, like last street in the mountains. The whole backyard it seemed like it was tittering off the mountain. Like, the whole back of the house was supported by stilts. Yeah, and you could see,
it was one of those houses that you could just see forever. And, the master bedroom had a shower that was outside and
completely covered in glass. You mean covered, but
it’s not opaque glass? No, it was clear glass. And you access it from your bathroom but it was like walking
out into like airlock pod, that was completely glass. And was out there, and you
could just see forever. But, you could be seen. You could be seen if
someone was down in like, the other yard in a
certain place probably. But I also think that it had like curtains that could be like set up in there. And so, but yeah, it was, you were pretty exposed
if you wanted to be. ‘Cause it was floor to ceiling glass. Wow. I was super excited about that. You put an offer on that house. And then you basically,
didn’t they change their mind didn’t want to sell it, and you put, you raised your price and they still, you were
under contract right? No, no, no, no, not with that house. The dude selling that house was not, He took it off the market. He had some issues. Because he was like selling it but not really wanting to sell it. And so, even when we
offered what he was asking he didn’t want to sell it. It was strange. We low-balled an initially
and I think he was insulted. But, that’s what you gotta do, you gotta stare him down. Well, if you would’ve high-balled, then you could of been
high-balling from that shower. Yeah, I know. I actually don’t, I don’t have any regrets for not getting that house
though, thinking about. Talk about the big one, that thing woulda just
tumbled down the hill, man. Yeah, right. You know what, come over, take a shower. I don’t wanna take a
shower in your shower. Just come over take a shower. I don’t wanna do that. Two shower heads. Big widescreen window. You don’t want me staring the guy down. You don’t want his
allegiances to be divided. He’s gonna leave for work one morning, he’s gonna be like, who is that? It’ll be a good test
because then it’ll be like, Link I just wanna tell ya, there was a man in your shower. It’s like, it’ll be a good test, to see if he wants to come clean. Okay, well let’s get into, let’s move from the shower to the bedroom. As I suggest doing on a regular basis. But first, you know what, we have a very special sale. Because, it’s my birthday week, and for the whole week of my birthday you’re getting deep
discounts in on some of my favorite items. Now, I gotta remember
what my favorite items are because I listed them. What about this one you’re
wearing, is that one? Yeah, well primarily, the thing that I have always
been most excited about in the Mythical Store, is the sweatshirt that
I have on right now. This is my favorite design. I’ve made it very clear. We’re bringing it back. We brought it back a couple of times because every time we bring it back people want it and it sells out. So, we’re bringing it back at
a discount for my birthday. I love it how you say, “I’ve made it very clear.” Like it’s a source of contention. Like, oh, what is Rhett’s favorite. I just feel like I talk
about it all the time, every time I wear it. But you know what? Selfishly, you’re also getting a discount on Rhett’s Beard Oil. That’s my beard oil. Rhett’s Wondrously Wild
Wood and Berries Lip Balm. Also, you’re getting a discount on, there’s a few left of
the wood-grain button up. You know that, the wood themed shirt. That’s on there. Would you like a button up? And then, the new item, the one item, just because I felt guilty just promoting all the stuff
that has my name on it, or is themed after something I like, my new favorite T-shirt in
the Mythical Store is the, You Know What Time it is T-shirt. It’s like, you know, it’s
got the clock running, it’s kinda retro. It’s a nice neutral color that
almost matches my skin tone, so I can kinda disappear and seem naked. I think you’ll love it. You Know What Time It Is, T-shirt, and those other items, all discounts. I think up to 30%. We would say 42%, because
that’s how old I am, but that’s, we can’t discount that much. I’m too old. So, up to 30% discounts on those items for the week of my birthday. Okay so, So we were answering a
question submitted to us a handful of episodes back that a wife sprung on a husband that all of a sudden
she was just gonna sleep on the other side of the bed. And we wigged out over that. And talked about it. If you haven’t listen
to it you can go back and listen to that one. But, basically at the end of that we discussed how we both always slept on one side of the bed. And we went on a rampage about is that the left or the
right side, or whatever. But, the long and short of it is we ended up saying, what if we switched, what would happen? What would it feel like, you know? We concluded, I believe, if my memory serves me correctly that, mixing it up in the bedroom is, seems like a great idea. So we should try it. And then you know, days went by. Weeks went by. And I really wasn’t motivated to do it. Wasn’t motivated to
bring it up with Christy, or, as I said in that Ear Biscuit, just surprise her by being
on her side of the bed. ‘Cause I just felt like I can’t be good. But then I just started, I just started to think about all the listeners out there Rhett, and they’re just, they want
us to be true to our word. They want us to have follow through, they want us to have backbone. You know, if we say
we’re gonna try something and we got temporarily, if not
prematurely excited about it, well we need to follow through. You know, we don’t need to be those guys who just talk out of their buttholes. And then don’t really mean anything. We gotta be people who
put action to our words and follow through to our beginnings. This sounds like a personal pep talk. Yeah, exactly. Until yesterday when I was like, you know what, you started
talking about sleeping and whatever you, what
you’re gonna get into. That I don’t wanna steal your thunder. And I was like, well you know what, if you wanna talk about that, we can’t talk about sleeping
if we don’t follow through with sleeping on the
other side of the bed. So let’s do it. Right, so we both did it last night. I got home last night and I was like, I’m not gonna do this. And then I was like, I had texted you I was like, don’t forget to sleep on
the other side of the bed. Sweet dreams. Well, the reason I didn’t wanna do it is because I knew that it would be, it isn’t like the kind
of thing that your wife is going to be like
enthusiastically receiving. Like, you know, I said, hey, oh by the way, tonight we need to sleep on opposite sides of the bed. And she was like, why? I was like, for the podcast. Then she was like, do I, I mean, do I really
have to explain this. It’s like, you know, just do it. You said all that to her? Uh, no. You felt that way? I was feeling that way. And what did she say when
you said for the podcast? Well, she kinda shook
her head, first of all. And then, as we were getting ready to, she came into the bedroom and I was already on her side of the bed. Oh, you did what I said I was gonna do. Wearing the contraption that
I will show you in a second. And, like, I was like in the zone. I was, I had my iPad, I was
reading a book on my iPad. You were snuggled up. And she was, oh, okay. And also, I was, I didn’t know, okay, what should I do about charging my phone because I get over to her side of the bed and like she’s got a charging cable but like, the end of
the cable to the phone is like completely broken off. It’s just like it’s just a
cable that just goes to nothing. I was like, whoa, it’s
different over here. It’s like you need to call an electrician to charge your phone.
Yeah, how do you do this? Do you wire it directly to
the inside of the phone? But she was like, oh yeah, that happened last night. My phone dropped off the table
and it broke off the piece and then I had to get it out of my phone. Well, she should be happy
to get your side then. Well, I just took my cord from my side and used it on her side. And she was like, and then we couldn’t find another cord. And so then, she was like, I’ll just charge it in the morning. Now, but then, Last time is saw Jessie, she was asking me if she
could charge her phone. Right, she always needs a charge. She’s one of those people. And she, I said, could you please, She’s a 10 percenter man. I was like, could you please
turn on the noise machine, ’cause the noise machine, You didn’t move that? I didn’t move that. No, everything else is the same. The noise machine, it’s the thing I talked
about when we were profiled by the Wall Street Journal. It’s that, it’s like a pretty large, I can’t remember the name of it. It’s too big to move? I mean, it’s got an adapter. It’s like a freakin’ Star Wars droid. I would have to like, I have a lot of things
plugged in on my side. And so, she turned it
on and like, I was like, it’s the left button, you know. But, the first thing that she said was, she was like, oh. ‘Cause it brought, she listened to the
podcast all about sleeping on different sides of the bed. And of course, we talked
about the conversation that we had when I realized that, it wasn’t the right or the left, You’re putting her in harms way? I as a, traditionally was sleeping the farthest away from the door and so that, it’s putting her in between, yeah, and putting her in harms way. And so, she was like, oh, I feel so safe over here. She’s taunting you. Yeah, she was like, I feel so safe. And also, it seems like
if one our children has an issue at night, maybe you’ll be the
one to go see about it. ‘Cause you’re closer. She made me feel real bad. Good. But, I’ll tell ya, I wanna
hear how you got into it before I talk about what my night of sleep actually involved. Yeah, I was like, Christy
tonight’s the night baby. We’re gonna sleep on
other sides of the bed. And she was like, oh no. Do we have to? I was like, I don’t want
to either, let’s not do it. Interesting, both of you
because of the nature of your personalities, were actually worried that it
was going to change something fundamental about your night of sleep? Yeah. Where as, me and Jessie were like, all right, she’s gonna
give me a hard time about how close I am to the action. But, neither of us were worried about it changing the quality of sleep. I had to, so yeah, we have the same charging thing, which you just put your phone, you need to get Jessie
one of those things. That disk you just put
you phone down on it and it charges it. Yeah, I have one of those on my side. Oh do you now? You got one for yourself. Well, no, and I got her one for, Let’s say Mother’s Day. Birthday or something. It was Mother’s day. And, her case is so thick
that’s like unreliable to use the wireless charger. But I do have one of those. So, I didn’t have to switch that. I just had to make sure my water bottle and lip balm was on her side. So, I’m a minimalist, I guess. I mean, it’s a lot of water though. It’s a big bottle. Minimalist? That’s probably not true. A man who, no. A man who has, A liter of water, lip balm. Yeah, that’s, you’re a maximalist So I, yeah I moved everything over and I’m getting into bed,
she’s getting into bed and she’s doing a little reading, and I’m like, I’m like, oh it’s kinda, you know, I’m like, wow. It kinda feels like we’re on vacation. Even though, we established that even on vacation we sleep on
our normal sides of the bed. That’s, it did feel like vacation to me. So, I kinda got excited. I was like, whoa. This is fresh. And you’re divots not as deep as my divot. That’s kinda fresh too. You noticed that? Yeah, like we have, on our mattress we have a little, she has a little divot,
I got a deeper divot. You need to rotate your mattress. That’s true. Come over and do that
when you’re showering. Checking out my window. Yeah, so all of a sudden I got excited. I’m like man, this is me
turning over a new leaf. And then, of course, Jade is in the bed and she sleeps in between us. But she sleeps in a
certain vary specific way. She like me and Christy,
is very routine oriented. And I noticed she was like, she was not curling up and laying down, or getting under the covers and burrowing, one of her two options
that she always does. She was just sitting there
looking at me, totally confused. Which actually made me feel good. I’m like, okay, this matters,
this matters to her too. This is weird, this is weird. So I had to like grab her
and put her under the covers and like say, okay
everything’s gonna be okay. We’re just on the other side. And, that was the extent of it. Like, Christy, Christy
apparently didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Because once we got into bed there wasn’t much discussion about it. I was actually pretty sleepy. So, I went to sleep. Now, you wanna talk about
the quality of sleep. Well, before you get into that, ’cause Barbera, my experience
with Barbara was that, Barbara tends to sleep in between us, or on the other side of Jessie. But, closer to Jessie. Like, as much as I love
Barbara and Barbara loves me, I think Barbara prefers
to sleep next to Jessie. And so, I noticed that
Barbara was sleeping, she was sleeping on Jessie’s side which I was sleeping in, that side of the bed, so like, this is like, it doesn’t, I mean Barbara’s not super consistent. Sometimes she’ll, sometimes she’ll just be next to the bed on the floor. Like, way are you down there? I don’t know. But most of the time she’s in the bed. And, she was like kinda up against my leg most of the night. Which, So, she was favoring Jessie’s side? That was nice, but she, yeah, but she kind of like, I guess is what I usually do so even though they’re
in a different spot. There was a confused look at first, but then it was like, I’ll just go to where I usually go. I’m not really gonna
think about this too much. I kept waking up in the night. And here’s the thing that I noticed. I think I frequently wake up, like if I change positions
I wake up a little bit, for reasons that I’ll get into when you talk about your apparatus. But the thing that I noticed was, last night I would wake up a lot more than the level to which
I normally wake up. So, it was probably, I feel
like five times during the night I would be jostled or I
would find myself waking up. And I’d have to wake up a little bit more ’cause I’d be disoriented. I experienced disorientation. Because there’s like, there’s a drop off on the wrong side. Mm, okay, yeah. ‘Cause I told the kids
we were gonna do it, and Lincoln was like, well if I slept on the
other side of the bed. He sleeps alone, but apparently
he sleeps on one side. I think he sleeps on the far side. So he was like, if I
slept on the other side, I think I would fall off the bed. I doubt he would. But I don’t know, maybe he would. I’ve almost fallen off my bed as a grown ass man a few
times in my current house. Yeah, I sleep way too
light for that to happen. Like, something about rolling over and being like deep in
a dream or something, like I’ve woken up like catching myself with my hand on the floor. But I haven’t totally fallen off. You need rail, I can install
a rail when I’m over there. Okay good, we need to make a list. Like a little handyman list, to do. So I would just, I would
wake up more than normal ’cause I was tryna figure out where I was. And that happened a lot. And then, so by the morning
I just kinda felt like, I felt like it compromised my sleep. What was your experience. Well, let me show you what I’m gonna, I mean for those of you who are listening, Link can just described
what this thing looks like. Okay. So you’ve got a black belt that has blue balls on it. One, two, so there’s, how many balls are on
that thing, two or three? Three. There’s three balls that are. They look like, they like
shiny like a handball, and they’re bigger than a tennis ball. And, they’re spaced apart. They look like they
can slide on this belt. So Rhett’s putting on this black belt with blue balls on it. I hope it’s called blue balls. The way you say blue balls is, Okay, he now has it on. He’s seating himself back in his chair. Okay, so I don’t, I should probably know
the name of this belt. But if you just go to Amazon, it’s not an endorsement or a sponsor, so I’m not even gonna
tell you the name of it. But, if you just put, I think it’s called the
sleep positioning belt, but it’s from some brand. I actually started to, Blue ball belt. So, again, that would be a better name. Oh, the balls are hard. That is, there’s no give to those. That’s not a ball at all. It’s just plastic in
the shape of a sphere. Yeah, well let me tell ya why. So, the whole idea of this thing is that it has these, now this is pretty cool. These balls, each one of them, if you turn it like
this, it slides freely. You don’t have to do
that, people can hear. It slides freely, and then
you can lock it into place and it stays in place. So, you can, the whole
idea of this thing is, for people who are trying
to train themselves to sleep in a certain position. Because, let’s say, and I think the two positions that people train themselves
to sleep in are one, on their side. So in that case, you would
take these three balls, and then you would loosen them, you would move them together, and then you would put
it all on your back. So this is for people with sleep apnea, or people with snoring problems, or they’re aggravating
partners that they sleep with. So if you slept on your
back, you’d have three, Plastic, hard, plastic balls. If they weren’t hard, plastic balls, Pressing into your back. Now, I did see a couple
people on the Amazon reviews talk about how they ended up
still sleeping on their back and they woke up in pain. Kinda like when you went skiing all day with thing in your shoe? Right. Now, while I am prone to going skiing with a contraption in my shoe. I sleep, that would be for people, you might do this, you’re a deep sleeper. So, maybe people who
are really deep sleepers could accidentally move
and still not be awaken by the discomfort. I on the the other
hand, awake immediately. So, but so what I do, is the
way that I had it oriented a second ago, is ’cause
I’m tryna train myself to sleep on my back because I currently sleep on my side, kinda in the fetal position. Which by the way, we’ll
get into this in a second, is the most popular position. Not just on your side, but on your side kinda curled up. 41% of all people sleep that way. And that’s the majority? That’s the majority by far. Only 8% of the population
sleeps on their back. That’s kinda crazy. 8%? Yeah, according to Okay, so you want to sleep on your back? So, you’re moving, Let me explain why I
wanna sleep on my back. But you’re putting a
ball on your left hip, a ball on your right hip, and
a ball on your bellybutton. Right, so the ball on the
bellybutton is redundant, it’s not, I mean, I’m not gonna go all
the way onto my belly. This is so that, instead of like, putting like a wedge
pillow on each side of you, which is another way to train yourself. I just wear this belt and the
moment I start to roll over to get more comfortable, because that’s the way I like to sleep, I hit this ball and, I either kind in a light sleep kinda just quit trying, or I’ll wake up and realize that I just
tried to go on to my side. Not a real pleasant way to
sleep by the way because, You keep waking up. Keep waking up. So, I’ve been doing this for
the past like three nights, but last night was the worst night. In fact, last night about I’d say 3 a.m, I took the belt off. Oh, you gave up. And just got on my side,
’cause I was like I need sleep. I also thought that I
was gonna go to the gym. My alarm was set for like 5:50. You released the blue balls. But then I didn’t end up going. So, but let me, this is why I’m doing this. But, this is not a very, I mean, for our test of switching sides of the bed it’s not a really good control. ‘Cause like, you’re adding
this whole blue belt situation. But, I personally can
safely say that even my, my experience in sleeping
closer to the door, at no point did I feel an
increase level of anxiety. It isn’t like, I was like, oh now I am in harms way. It was a subconscious
thing that I was doing when I was choosing the side of the bed, it wasn’t a conscious decision. I know but, so what, And then in practice I realized that my subconscious
decision was unnecessary. But you weren’t disoriented
by having the drop off on the wrong side. No, ’cause like I said, I sleep on both sides
of the bed on vacations. We don’t have a side
of the bed on vacation. And I’ve also slept on
the right side of the bed, the left side of the bed, like I slept on the left side of the bed in my last house. Now, I sleep on the right side of the bed because the door. Okay, yeah I remember. But, last night you’re saying that you had the worst night’s sleep you’ve had since starting to wear the blue belt. So, that tells me that it coulda
been a contributing factor. I can’t tell ya that it wasn’t. I can’t cell ya that it wasn’t. But to me it was, I had
an anxiety about getting, this was the first night that I’ve done it where I had to, I was
thinking about getting up and going to the gym. And, I just, I don’t know, it just, it translated into
you’re not getting good sleep, you’re not getting good sleep. You’re gonna be tired, you’re not, you need to get on your side so you can actually get, that was the kind of anxiety. Yeah, if I know, if I need to work myself
up to get some gumption to go to the gym, and I set my alarm, sometimes I’ll wake up
like two hours beforehand. And then one hour beforehand. Something subconsciously
that kinda keeps me up as if I were gonna miss my alarm or like, not actually go. But I ain’t wearing those balls. Well, maybe you need to be. Okay so. So you wanted to sleep on your back. The reason I wanted to sleep on my back is because most of the science shows that it is the healthiest
position for your back, your shoulders, and your hips. And I have issues of varying degrees with all three of those things, right. So, straight from, I’m just gonna read it. “Though it’s not the
most popular position, “only 8% of people sleep on their backs, “it’s still the best. “By far the healthiest
option for most people. “Sleeping on your back allows
your head neck and spine “to rest in a neutral position. “This means that there’s no
extra pressure on those areas “so you’re less likely to experience pain. “Sleeping facing the ceiling is also ideal “for warding off acid reflux.” Which is something I have had a little bit of a problem with too. “Just be sure to use
a pillow that elevates “and supports your head enough. “You want your stomach to
be below your esophagus “to prevent food or acid from coming out “of your digestive tract,” ew. “However, snoozing on your
back can cause the tongue “to block the breathing tube, “making it a dangerous positions for those “who suffer from sleep apnea. “A condition that ’causes
periods of breathlessness. “This position can also
make snoring more severe.” Now, a lot of people have also said that’s it’s better for wrinkles. Not that that’s necessarily
a motivation for me. But hey, I wanna be as young as, I wanna be as lung, as young as long as I can. Sleep on your back helps with wrinkles? It’s seems like it stretches your face. Well, two, on your side, It smushes your face on your side. Yeah, this position on your side where your torso and legs
are relatively straight as opposed to the fetal position, also helps reduce acid reflux. And since your spine is elongated, it wards off back and neck pain. Plus, you’re less likely to
snore in this snooze posture because it keeps airways open. For that reason, it’s also the best choice for those with sleep apnea. 15% of adults choose
to sleep on their side, but there’s one downside, it can lead to wrinkles
because have of your face pushes against a pillow. And then you’re up to the 41% of adults which is the fetal position, is the most popular sleep position. A loose fetal position
where you’re on your side and your torso is hunched and your knees are bent,
especially on your left side, is great if you’re pregnant. I think it has something
to do with what organs are on what side, and where the baby is,
and what it’s pressing on. And that’s why you should
be on your left side. That’s because it improves
circulation in your body and in the fetus, and it prevents your uterus from pressing against your liver. Oh yeah, I should have read ahead. Prevents your uterus from
pressing against your liver, which is on your right side. This pose is also good for snorers. But, resting in a fetal position that’s curled up too tightly can restrict breathing in your diaphragm, and it can leave you feeling
a bit sore in the morning. Particularly, if you have
arthritis in your joints or back. Which I have both of those things. Prevent these woes by
straightening out your body as much as you can instead of tucking your
chin into your chest and pulling your knees up high. You can also reduce strain on you hips by placing a pillow between your knees. And of course the most
unpopular and final position, is sleeping on your stomach. Which is what my dad does. While this good for easing snoring, it’s bad for practically everything else. 7% of adults pick this pose, but it can lead to back and neck pains since it’s hard to keep your
spine in a neutral position. Plus stomach sleepers put pressure on their muscles and joints, possibly leading to numbness, tingling, aches and irritated nerves. Oh yeah, so if, I mean I have this long standing experience
of waking up on my stomach and I would of been sleeping on my arm, and then I’ll wake and I cannot feel it. And like, I’ll shake it and it’s, it would be so bad it won’t
even have the tingles. And you think, oh no, I’ve done it. It’s gonna have to be amputated. Yeah, which we wrote about in
that song, “Have You Ever?” ♪ Have you ever slept all
night on top of your arm ♪ ♪ And felt sure they’d
have to amputate it ♪ I would grab my arm, my
dead arm with my live hand, on the other hand, and put my finger up
to my mouth and bit it. I’ve done that. Just see if I could even
feel biting my own finger. And it would just be a very
numb burning sensation. And there have been a few
times when I’ve woken up and I, both of my arms
are completely dead. Like, I was sleeping on both of ’em. That’s never happened to me. Talk about a weird position,
a weird sensation man. You waking up and you just got, you’re floppy at the shoulders. Like, that is scary. And you know when you
shake to try to get ’em to wake back up? Like, if your foot falls asleep. It’s a lot worse if it’s
from like your shoulder, all the way down. It hurts. Yeah, as the blood comes back. Yeah, to get the life to
come back into that thing. I don’t have that problem anymore because I just, I very, very rarely
make it to my stomach because of the problems that
I’ve had with my shoulders. Right, but you find sleeping on your side, or, what do you normally sleep on? You start off on your back? On my back. And you stay on your back? Usually. Now, I’m very broad shouldered, you know, so it’s like, for me to sleep on my side it’s like my shoulders have
to collapse on themselves because it’s, it’s like, it just feels unusually wide. Like, right here, you see that? The broadness, just like, it wants to collapse on
itself when I’m on my side. But the problem that I had, I think I’ve told this story
a number of years back. I started to get extreme pain
like inside of my shoulder. And, the doctor and the physical
therapist end up saying, well they were like, how do you sleep? And I was like, I sleep on my right side spooning my wife with my right arm used as a pillow with my elbow bent. So it’s like my bicep
is against my right ear. And then, my hand is behind my neck. And sometimes I’ll put my hand up and I’ll grab the head of
the bed, and just hold on. And like, Just in case, what? And I had this routine for a long time, For leverage? As I was going to sleep
I would tap a little song on the head of the bed. That wasn’t annoying to anyone
else that was in the bed. And it would like put me to sleep. I know, I’m weird. Christy never once asked
me, why are you tapping? This is like, she had
already lived with me so long she’s like, I’m not even gonna ask why. She quit asking why. A long time ago. Probably 18 months in. Other than, why did I do this? Why God, why does this continue? And I started, the physical therapist said that I ground down, my bones started grinding
against each other because they were constantly
in this grinding fashion. Like, here at the tip of my collarbone and my shoulder blade. And they said it was irreparable damage. And that really rocked my world. They say, you can’t sleep on your side. And it was hurting so bad
I could no longer do it. And so, I started sleeping on my back. And then if I rolled over, How did you train yourself to do that? If I rolled over on my side it would hurt. And then, if I rolled
over on the other side it wouldn’t hurt, but I was so afraid of doing the same thing
to the other shoulder that subconsciously, I would wake up whenever I’d roll over on my side. Like, I would wake myself up. So it was like I had
blue balls in my brain. Yeah. That would wake me up. I can relate to that. So, that’s, I don’t need your belt. I got it in my brain. So now I’ll wake up, I’ll
wake up on my side sometimes. I wake up throughout the night trying to sleep on my side
and I’ll go back to my back. And last night I woke up further because once I started to wake up I’m like, where the hell am I? Who’s lamp is this? I’m in the same bed. There’s a drop off over here. I, I don’t know. I haven’t given up on this. But last night was unpleasant. And one of the things I concluded is I was like, you know, when I sleep on my side, now first all, I favor my left side. And the reason, actually I favor the side that faces away from my wife. And let me explain why. Again, I have this, I have very high
self-preservation instincts. And, you know, my wife, we’ve talked about this before, that usually large people
have learned, like me, have learned how to not hit people. I don’t step on people. I don’t accidentally elbow people. You can hang out with me for
an extended period of time, and I’m never going to accidentally
hurt you with anything. My wife is small so she
steps on people’s feet. She also gets uncomfortably close. ‘Cause the stacks are low. Is that what you’re saying? Yeah, she also gets uncomfortable close. And at times has hit me by accident. With like an elbow or something. But, it gets close enough
on a regular basis, if she’s like, if I’m really close to her, and she’s moving or something. I don’t like to get hit in
the face as a general rule. Yeah, it’s not a good time. So, I subconsciously face away from her. Which seems less romantic. And I think she interprets
it as less romantic. But it’s really just to protect myself. So I noticed last night once
I took the blue balls off, and I went onto my side, I was facing, I was on my right side. But I also realized that, Right side meaning you were
still facing away from her? Facing away. Okay yeah. ‘Cause you’re not favoring a side, you’re protecting yourself. But, I do, You sleep in fear. Especially, we have a
California king-size bed. Which, a California king is
actually four inches narrower and four inches longer. So a king-size bed is 80 by 80. I went with a California king with is 84 inches long, not like I needed those extra four inches,
but, I am a big man. And so, I was willing to sacrifice
the four inches of width. So it was 76. Now, what that means is that we still have a lot of space. And if she’s kinda in her position and she hasn’t migrated, I will naturally sort of
sleep on my right side. But, throughout the night, I will probably flip sides. ‘Cause you get, it’s the
same reason that people who are incapacitated in
bed, they have to move ’em ’cause you get bed sores. Even over the course of a night, if you don’t move certain things will start
hurting a little bit. So what I noticed last night is that, because I’m restricted and I can’t move, I’m actually starting to get stiff. Even my back, which I’m
supposedly in healthier position, I feel like, in fact my back
is a little bit stiff today after having slept on my back. And maybe it’s because I
didn’t have the right pillow, and maybe I should of like, it wasn’t until halfway through the night that I started supporting my knees and like, getting my legs up a little bit. I just I don’t know. It feels restrictive. I think you just need Jessie
to just kick you in the back throughout the night. Yeah, that could help. But, I also prefer sleeping on my side because I often find myself in beds that are not long enough. Like, if we go on tour, I can’t lay on my back in that bunk bed. I’m too big. There’s too much Rhett
to lay on your back. Unless I have my knees bent. Which, you can’t sleep with
you knees bent on your back. And so, I sleep in the fetal position. Unless you’re like a toddler. I sleep in the fetal position
to fit in those bunks. Many hotels you go to, or if you go to an Airbnb, if they have a regular size bed, I’m probably going to be going off of it. You got a tuff life man. So, I like to, I sleep on my side. So I just don’t know if
I should train my brain. Like, the problem with getting
the blue balls into my brain, is that then I will be
trained to sleep on my back, and then I’ll be trying to do
that in all my circumstances. And I actually think it’s
going to be a problem in other, when I have
to get out of my routine of sleeping in my big bed. So I don’t know what to
do with these blue balls. Well second choice is straddle a pillow. Put a pillow between your knees, that still helps with your back, right? Yeah, well it does, Or, that’s hips? No, I think it helps with both. It feels like, yes, sleeping on my side but keeping my legs straight and not doing the fetal position. I mean, my back is doing fine. It’s not like I’m
experiencing back problems that are so debilitating
that I’m trying to sleep, it’s just like, you know what, I’m getting older, I already
have a predisposition to back problems. I’ve got a little hip thing, kinda like the same kinda
hip thing that you do. Where it feels like it’s getting caught. I have a shoulder thing as well. You’re falling apart. And so it’s like, maybe I should go ahead and preempt this. But, I just don’t know what I’m gonna do. I feel like I’m at a crossroads. I’m at a crossroads but I’m wearing a belt that’s got blue balls on it. I think you need to sleep on your back and not worry about the
travel and the restrictions of other places. ‘Cause such the minority of how you sleep. You think I’ll just naturally
adjust in those situations. And it’ll take care of itself. Yeah, don’t let the tail
wag the dog of your back. Now, I’ve punched Christy
in the face while sleeping, multiple times. And, there’s many times that I wake up where I go to my right side and I put that elbow up. ‘Cause I still have that long standing. But before I can correct myself, which I always do, she’s like fleeing. So, if she were here she’d be
chiming in and saying like, I don’t sleep good
because I’ve been punched, and I’ve been elbowed a lot. And sometimes laughed at. Well why don’t she move, and she tolerated this? She tolerated this in literal double bed. For the majority. For like, over a decade. 15 years of your marriage. Your wife needs some sort of medal. There should be some kind of A Link Last medal. She lasted with Link. She should have some
sort of like, you know, That’s what I’m gonna get her for, you’re talking about Mother’s
Day, maybe Christmas. I’ma get her a, You’ve Lasted with Link. Maybe it should be an anniversary gift. There’s some kind of like service for people who’ve been
through hard things. I’m not good at consoling
someone I’ve punched when I’m asleep. And I’m just like, I’m kinda groggy, I’m like, oh, I’m sorry
I hit you in the face. It won’t happen again, tonight. So yeah, there’s a lot, I’ll wake up with her
hand pushing on my elbow. It’s just like, you know like, some people have to roll
over their snoring partner. Like kinda log roll. She has to like push the elbow away. So apparently, I’m not on
my back the entire time. Oh yeah, I’m moving around a lot. I mean, I don’t. We need plexiglass. Well, I watched a movie one time, and it was about an Amish family. And, I don’t know
exactly why they did this but, they had to put the boy and the girl in the same bedroom. It’s not a documentary, it was a movie. And, they put a board in between them. There was like a bed board. So, like when a man and
a woman, a boy and a girl needed to sleep in the same bed, but they didn’t want them
to mess with each other. Well, they’re not siblings are they? No, they weren’t siblings. It was like, oh, you’re
cousin from so and so is coming into town. He’s gotta sleep in this bed so we’re gonna put this bed up. Okay. But then, those hands
reached across that board. It wasn’t that kind of movie. But, I think it just illustrated that you can’t stop the
lustful intentions of teenagers with a piece of wood. No pun intended. I mean, are we slowly creeping towards the old married couple
sleeping in separate beds? Like, my grandparents slept, like my mom’s parents, they slept on opposite, in twin beds on opposite sides of the room. Well, I could get into a lot of trouble by giving my actual thoughts on this. Do it. This will never happen in my house. I don’t think. Because, the idea of
sleeping in separate beds is like so quintessentially
unromantic in my wife’s view. Now, I think, first all, What if you made technologically cool. Like it’s two twin beds,
they’re smushed together, and then, you know, you push a button and they go on tracks to opposite sides of the room. That seems like overkill. Because, you don’t need more
than one bed to, like one, you don’t need a super
wide bed to make love. I don’t know how you make love. But typically, I’m taking
up the amount of space that one person takes up. I use all available real estate. You know, but what I’m saying is that, typically you have to be in physical contact with each other. So you’re only taking up so much space. You don’t need, I might use all four corners of the California king-size bed, but it’s just because
it’s there to be used. If the bed was cut in half, there’s still four corners,
there’s a lot to do. And I don’t think, like I
feel like the thought is, if you sleep in a separate bed, or even in a separate room
like Jessie’s grandmother did for a long time. For as long as I ever new gaga and papa, they were in separate rooms. I bet that was snoring related. Yeah, it probably was. I don’t think it necessarily, okay, I could see how
being in separate rooms would be a problem. And I could see how you could think that being in separate
beds would lead to less overall physical contact, and therefore less, you know, intimacy. Maybe that’s true. I don’t think that that would be the case. I don’t think that would
be the case either. ‘Cause it doesn’t happen by accident. It’s not like you role
over and like, whoops. Right. Look what’s happening. Yeah, and so, because of that I feel, it’s not gonna happen. And I sleep fine. But, I do, I’m such a light sleeper that you know, if my wife
wakes up to go to the gym I wake up. There’s no world in which I don’t wake up. And even with the noise
maker never going off. Even if I put a sleep mask on. I have this just like,
sensitivity to being, I’d be a good watchman. You know what I’m saying? So, in conclusion, what are you gonna do. You gonna sleep with the balls man? Give it a another week. Yeah, I feel like I gotta try
it for a little bit longer. Sleep on your back, you gotta do it. Get your own bed. I feel like, Go all the way. I’m gonna go to the point
where I’m without the balls able to sleep on my back, and see if there’s a noticed improvement in like, joint health. I am not however gonna sleep on Christy’s side of the bed anymore. Been there, done that. I did it for you. I didn’t learn that much. But it’s over. Jessie did say, I could get use to this. When we did it last night. But, I doubt that she’ll
be on my side of the bed when I get home tonight. Right, ’cause why. Yeah, there’s books to move. There’s books to move,
there’s chargers to shnaggel. There’s drawers. Our drawers are so different. Let’s have a rec. You’re gonna recommend in something? Yeah I am. I’m going to recommend a television show that is for a specific sense of humor. I showed it to you, I made
you watch two episodes. It’s, “I Think You Should
Leave,” with Tim Robinson. It’s a sketch show on Netflix. I Think You Should Leave. And, it is so dumb. It is just such a dumb show. And that’s why I like it. To make you feel smart? No, it’s not dumb in
like trashy reality TV. I’m saying that like,
it’s just stupid comedy. You know, it’s just taking, and well, in a sense it’s smart in the way that they do it. But, it’s just like, a large
percentage of the population would watch it and be like, this is just too stupid. This is just too crazy for my sensibility. But, I very rarely encounter something that’s too stupid for me. So, I highly recommend it. And the short episodes
are like 15 minutes long. Apparently, this guy was
a, I think he was a writer, and maybe a very short
lived cast member on SNL. I think he’s kinda from that world. But, it is, and there’s a bunch of like, you know, noticeable, recognizable celebrity
comedian cameos in it. And it’s just really, really stupid. Go for it. I actually think we should leave. Hashtag Ear Biscuits, let
us know what you think. Where do you sleep and why? You rolling around? Did you try? Will you except the
challenge and let us know? Sleeping on the other side of the bed. And if you need a set of, Hashtag Ear Biscuits. If you need set of blue balls, depending on how my experiment goes I might be selling some on craigslist. We’ll talk at you next week. Hashtag blue balls. To watch more Ear Biscuits click on the playlist on the right. To watch the previous
episode of Ear Biscuits click on the playlist to the left. And, don’t forget to
click on the circular icon to subscribe. If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it’s available on all your
favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your mythical best.


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