“White People Can’t March” – Trevor Noah – (There’s A Gupta On My Stoep)


That’s why I love coming home I get to see the stories from a
different angle, I get to enjoy it all I am so happy to be back but
everything has flipped on it’s head Two years, you know guys going
away for two years is not a long time and you come back to South Africa and
everything has flipped on it’s head I went away for two years, I come back and white people are on strike I thought it was a Leon Shuster sketch In the street, white
people, marching and immediately you are like
these people have no experience No experience what so ever and white people I am not trying
to minimize your pain in any way but I am just going to say
when watching it on the news it doesn’t have the same gravity of the march of black people and colored people
and Indian people in South Africa because when people of color in South Africa
march you can see they want service delivery when white people march it looks like
you are fighting for vitality points it’s just not the same. and then I saw white people got offended because they said we are
going to launch a march Zuma must go! Zuma must fall!
We want him gone! and then black people didn’t join and white people are like
why don’t they join us? Ja why won’t they join hey?
because it’s racism we are marching for this country and
they don’t want to march with us because it’s racism that why
they don’t want to join us No, guys, guys, guys,
guys, guys, guys if black people are not joining your
march it’s not because of racism it’s because of rhythm I saw white people
protesting and I was like even if I was on your side I can not participate in that the best white marchers
South Africa had was three old white ladies who had the worst struggle song
I have ever heard in my life sounded like a lullaby converted
into a struggle anthem Zuma must go! Zuma must go! Zuma must go! Zuma must go! Zuma must go! Zuma must go! Yo, I can’t march to that guys I don’t even know where to begin you realize marches are
all about rhythm, right? ten present of every march is the
issue ninety present is the beat when black people march you need
to encourage other people to join along the way you need
to pick up stragglers just some people who get into
the rhythm as you move past some people are just there as you walk past *People Striking* People are joining. people are joining It’s got power! you guys, black people are
marching from Soweto to Pretoria. you need a march that will move you every stride has purpose in it *People striking* moving! Zuma must go! Zuma must go! Zuma must go! Zuma must go! Zuma must go! Zuma must go! guys we are not even getting
to Craighall like that No chance. Marching with that song to Pretoria by the time we get there
Zuma’s left by him self. Chilling there in his house in Dubai Laughing *Zuma Lauging* “Did they only arrive just now” I was watching white
people going but why? Why you marching?
What you guys doing? Hey, now you want to
do the hard work. Just pay someone like usual. This is when you should be paying. Just get a professional, a specialist. Just be there, “Johannes?” “I have a lot of grudges with this country and I have noticed that you have impeccable rhythm and so I would like to hire your services.” “I got you what’s your feeling?” “I just want them to
know that Zuma must go” “Okay, got it.” *Marching* “That’s what I wanted to do.” Hire a specialist
people, get it done. That song will get you nowhere. It’s a frustrating time though man The Gupta’s came and
shook South Africa up. turned things upside down made us question who
we are as a people I was gone for two years, I came
back and I will tell you now the racial tension is
palpable, you can feel it. all of the sudden everyone is looking
at each other in a different light. You are like damn, Mc Kenzy did a good job. Because don’t get me wrong South Africa
wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t like this. You know 2010 had us in a different feeling We had rhythm, we had a plan and then all of the sudden it fell
apart, now we are looking at each other with shifty eyes. Separated. Gupta’s did a good job. People are angry and I
understand why, you know? but sometimes I think people’s
anger get’s out of hand like I saw people fighting because the Gupta’s had a wedding at Sun City. and at that wedding they only
hired white people to serve them. and people where like, they are racist!
they are racist! Okay, maybe they are racist or maybe the Gupta’s are doing what every black person dreams of
doing when they get enough money. and that is white people
having to work for you. Which black man in this audience cant say he doesn’t
remember the first time he went to a restaurant? and he was sitting there some white guy came up to the table, “Good afternoon gentlemen, can
I help you with anything?” “Oh yeah we are just
waiting for the waiter, you can send him over.” No, gents. My name is Johnny, I am
going to be serving you guys today. Oh, you are the waiter? you are the guy serving us? That’s correct guys. Oh wow, look at that. Well in that case Johnny lets start with the
specials menu please. just riddle it off, riddle it off. Okay guys we have a gazpacho
on the menu, really fantastic We have also got a seafood salad
that’s really impeccable. On the dessert side the chef is doing
something different with the creme brule. and then our special line fish of the day
is going to be a hake lightly grilled. Okay, thank you very much, just
give us a moment to chat about it. See you in a bit Johnny. Thank you very much guys. Hey, can you believe it huh? Can you believe it, on my
beck and call. Watch this. Hey, Johnny, Johnny! Johnny!
Johnny! Yeah, whats going on guys? Uh, nothing. Carry on, carry on. This is power.

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